Thursday, February 16

More ramble

Last night we talked again. Kabao told me that she no longer has any love for me. Nws hais rau kuv li no: "Kuv txoj kev hlub rau koj zoo li lub nab-kuab. Tiamsis koj kev siab phem los yaj kuv li dej kub. There's nothing you can do to reshape that cube back to its original form." That's a powerful analogy. Kuv hnov nws hais tej lus no ua kuv siab phoob kiag. She was dead serious. Nws hais tias kuv tsis yog nws tus Vam Leej thaum ub lawm.

Hearing her repeated say that there is nothing left in her heart for me hurts me. It hurts more than anything, for I know how much this woman loved me. Would this be my greatest sin that will always haunt me? I now know the invitable, that we're going to let go. It's still hard to imagine. I'm crying here just thinking about it.


At 12:42 AM, Anonymous -drum said...

Wow..that's rough Valeng. Granted we never had a chance to really become good friends or know each other better as adults, I always had this image of you and Kabao as being very happy and solid. It's a shock to me to find out that things have been this rough for you guys. I'm scared too now that I might wander one day and find myself in the same situation that you are in right now. My wife loves me with the same intesity as what you've described of Kabao's love for you and that is why I am afraid. Is there any hope of reconciling at all? Do you or does Kabao even want to try and reconcile or is it basically over?

At 7:28 PM, Blogger Vam Leej said...

Drum, thanks for the sentiments. Where we differ is you waited to find your wife. I married when I was 19, barely an adult. Although I loved my wife dearly at the time, I married as a result of a pregnancy if you want the honest truth. Even if wb tsis txhaum plaub, I don't think I would have married her later, as I've come to resent our intellectual incompatibilities. Eventually, things catch up to you.

If you married your wife willingly and for the right reasons, I don't think your heart will wander too far, if at all. Maybe our penises will but not the heart. The heart is loyal when it is truly in love.

At 1:36 PM, Anonymous Rose said...

Like you, Kabao will and must come to term with her own path in life and her words reflect that.


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