I'm thinking of using this pose for my debut album. What do you guys think? Too flaky? Yeah, maybe the arms locking ain't that cool. LoLz. I just love the Bono shades, don't you? "But I still haven't found what I'm looking for..."

Today was a good day. Went to visit a family member's grave in the morning, did lunch at relative, napped, bought hmong sausages, stuff wings and fried chicken thighs in St. Paul, came back home to change (to what I wore on the right) and went jogging around Phalen Lake. After that, I had a heart to heart talk with my youngest brother about love & relationship and my seperation with Kabao (first time I told him). Came back home (mom's) and watched a good movie (Jet Li's "unleashed") with the family then talked to a couple of good friends on the phone in the evening. Yep, what a loooong day!! Wished there were more days like this.

Songwriting

Wow, I've been doing a lot of singing and songwriting this week! Picked up this book not long ago and got inspired.

Here are a few song thesis/ideas/lines:

"Breathing your breath"
"Refund on life"
"A lifetime curse"
"Things I would never say except in a song"
"You don't know how many Phalens I've cried"
"Women are like a box of chocolate; you never know what you’re gonna get"
"Don't try to be a detective when you're not licensed"

I have a few more song ideas in the voice recorder on my cell/pda. Like a writer who keep a notebook closeby for those spontaneous moments of inspiration, I record my thoughts and melodies in my PDA. I never leave home without my cell anyway!

Random subject change.... I want one of these babies come Spring. Varoom!!........

Winter Storm

A few days ago we had two big snow storms, accumulating over a foot of snow. I like to take pictures of Minnesota's snowy landscape, esp on my new Sony Cyber-shot 7.2 megapixel digital camera (a new toy).

I was driving when I snapped this photo. I love the contrast between the brown, cabin-like siding and white snow. Feels so cozy!



I had to pull over the highway to snap this shot. Beyond the trees is the Mighty Mississippi.



Shot at my mother's property.



A desolate field. That black spot out there is our dog, Buddy.



Eerie trees along Highway 61.



Life withering away...



...but the evergreen is unaffected.



When we take the time to examine the mundane up close, it can reveal itself in new ways you never imagined.

The Big Talk

Last night, we had planned on talking to the kids about our separation but I pulled out at the last minute. I left the house and called a good friend to cry a little. I thought back to my own parent's divorce and how it devastated me over the years. One of greatest fears is becoming my own father, who made me his pawn in his sick game with my mother. Today, I worked up enough courage to tell the kids, without Kabao.

Some excerpts from my talk with my angels this afternoon:

We’re going to seperate.

Cool!

Cool? Kind of.

Kinda, kinda. (Alycia)

I’m glad you can say that

I mean, I think it’s better (Alycia)

I’m going to live with grandma and Jeri in the little house

Okay.

Just as long as there aren’t a lot of spiders. Cause there are spiders there (Vincent)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So there is a possibility?

Yeah, there is a possibility. But there’s a possibility that we’ll make it work again, right?

This isn’t really surprising, just to let you know. Yeah. (Vincent)

So it’s kinda like okay. (Alycia)

We’re really not that worried (Vincent)

Okay, as long as I know that. Because I was very worried about you being worried.

Oh, *laughs* (kids)

Not worried.

But sometimes people say that just to psych themselves out too.

No, no, really not worried!! (Alycia)

No, we’re not worried (Vincent)

We’re just kinda like, oh, okay.

I know a bunch of kids who are divorced! (Vincent)

You know a bunch of kids who’s parents are divorced? You mean like Meskas people?

I know a lot of like most of them! (Vincent)

Yeah, I know a lot who’s parents are divorced. (Alycia)

And they’re okay right? They’re not like all devastated.

No. (kids)

But you know what, I was also a kid when my parents divorced and it was hard on me that’s why I was scared that it might be hard on you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To me it’s kinda like thinking it’s better for you guys. Because it’s kinda like well if you guys aren’t really happy then it’s kinda like o-kay, I don’t know. (Alycia)

That’s good to hear. I’m glad to hear this from you guys because society is changing so much that I think kids today is use to that thinking. Back in our times it’s so traditional when you hear a couple divorced, it’s like “Oh, REALLY!?”

(Big laughs)

Really? (Alycia, sarcastic)

The one thing I want to say is that whatever thing is not working out between me and mom, it’s not your fault okay?

Uh-huh. (kids)

And you can never ever think that it’s your fault. Nor can you have prevent it. Do you understand that?

Or help it (Vincent)

Yes, or help it. Okay? And nothing you do will impact whether mommy and daddy will come back together. That’s our decision, something we have to work out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I mean, if you guys get seperated, in a way, in a way, it’s kinda cool. (Alycia)

Yeah, why is it cool?

Cause if you live on your own, like in an apartment, we can go to your apartment.

Ooohh!!.…

*Laughs* (Alycia)

And you’ll have two rooms and not one.

Yeah. Two. (Alycia)

We’ll have two computers and two of everything (Vincent)

*Laughs*

I’ve never seen kids take it that positively. *laughs* But that’s good, right? *laughs*

And it’s not very shocking, in a way (Alycia)

My Wife,...Hotness!!

She thanked me for making her look better than ever. (haha) She lost 10 lbs in the past month. This is the sexiest I've seen her in years. Grrrr...

Goes to show that looks aren't everything. *big sigh* (Shut up, Rose!)

My Son, The Musician

My son Vincent called me on my cell phone earlier (I'm not home very much these days) and asked me "Hey dad, how do you play Green Day's 'Jesus of Suburbia' again? I forgot where I put my fingers" I feel bad for neglecting our guitar lessons these past few months. Afterall, that's why I bought him that red Fender Squire guitar. I was teaching him how to play power chords (diagram on right). Green Day and many punk rockers use a lot of power chords. It's really fun to play, and easy!

Shhh!!...don't tell Vincent this but I hope he becomes a famous rock star someday (Okay, maybe that's a stretch. How about a good musician?) Maybe, then, I can live my rock dreams vicariously through him. (frown)

She says to me a few minutes ago,

"I know deep down, you have a good heart. But for some reason, something happened and you're just not yourself anymore."

She knows me well. She knows that my heart, my genuine and thoughtful nature -- these are qualities that define me. But I'm not myself. I haven't been myself since May 2005.